Saturday, August 21, 2010

Dirty Jobs - Fiesta Style

There comes a time in all of our lives when we're strapped for cash, trying to afford that shiny new +10 weapon, that godly set armor, or even money just to restone, and sometimes we have to resort to menial and oftentimes degrading work to earn that money.

So here I am to show you ways that you can earn a little extra cash and help out the community at the same time.  Keep your chin up adventurers, we've all been there.

Tourguide - point out landmarks and give false info, they aren't listening anyway.
Job #1:  Tourguide for Noobs.
Nothing ruins a day more than having noobs bombard you with questions.  "What's this?" "Where's that?"

Caged Go-Go Dancer - Shake what your momma gave you.
Job #2:  Caged Go-Go Dancer.
Some may think it's glamorous, but really it's not.  Having drunk, sweaty males ogling you on a nightly basis isn't for everyone.  Fishnet stockings and knee high boots optional, but recommended for maximum tips.

Valet Parking Attendant -  just slam it in drive and go.
Job #3:  Valet Parking Attendant.
Well if they trust a starving adventurer enough to leave spare change lying around their vehicle, at least pilfering that makes up for your normally lousy tips.  Hope they're insured.

Stablehand - It's never a good idea to wear white.
Job #4:  Stablehand.
Nothing is quite so degrading as picking up after animals.  The horses of Elderine are more than happy to oblige.  And you know the saying... "The bigger the horse, the bigger its' ____."  Yeah, these horses are massive.

Chef for Cannibals - err, yeah.
Job #5:  Chef for Cannibals.
Be advised:  this will be your last job.

Greenky Diaper Changer - not for the faint hearted.

Job #6:  Greenky Diaper Changer.
There are a lot of Greenkies roaming Isya.  I have no clue what they eat, but I'm not a fan of what comes out of them.

Enthusiastic Sports Fan - cheer on the home team.  Yay.

Job #7:  Enthusiastic Sports Fan.
With the economy so bad, some teams have gone so far as to hire fans to sit in their arenas and cheer on the home team.  Now you can cash in on this opportunity!

Runway Model - only the starvingly skinny may apply.
Job #8:  Runway Model.
You've already got the sour disposition, and that rumbling in your tummy has definitely made you look gaunt and unhealthy.  Why not try your hand in the world of Haute Couture?  The Devil may Wear Prada, but they also pay well enough to let you restone.

Gondola Pilot - 5 inches of water, 5 minutes of your time, 5 silver.
Job #9:  Gondola Pilot.
Hop aboard Elderine's sad little gondola ride.  A full tour takes 5 minutes.  5 mintues of your life that you'd wish you had back.  Trust me.

Pet Sitter - at least Elderine's Pigs are normal sized.  Stupid horses.
Job #10:  Pet Sitter.
Watching someone else's pet while they go off adventuring is near the bottom of the barrel.  It's bad enough you're not out there yourself, but now you've got to clean up after someone else's animal.  Joy.

Crab Catcher - Isya's Crabs are nothing to scratch at.
Job #11:  Crab Catcher.
Everyone loves seafood right?  Ever seen Deadliest Catch?  Pfft, those are dudes on a boat using massive nets.  Here in Isya, you have to beat down these ginormous crabs with a stick.

CP Plumber - These guys think it's funny.
Job #12:  Collapsed Prison Plumber.
I don't know what it is, but this room in CP1 is constantly flooded.  Clean it up and move on.  I think I hear the Elf Knights laughing.

Social Escort - This guy smells of brine.  *sigh*
Job #13:  Social Escort.
Meet all sorts of unsavory-types as a 'woman-of-the-night'.  Just be sure to set the ground-rules first and don't be afraid to light them up with a Magic Blast should they cross that line.

Wench - If only the tips were as large as the egos.
Job #14:  Wench.
Drunken adventurers are full of stories and typically full of themselves as well.  Hang out, serve a little liquid courage, maybe make a few bucks in tips.

Pet Trainer - I really have nothing to say here.
Job #15:  Pet Trainer.
Along the same lines as the Pet Sitter.  Who says you can't train a dog to poop in the house?

Nightclub Doorman - NO NOOBS.
Job #16:  Nightclub Doorman.
Nothing lines the pockets quite like rich Glads and Warlocks looking for a good time.  Just be sure to keep the noobs out as they'll cost you your job.

*** Farmer - So I'm a **** Farmer, who gives a ****?
Job #17:  **** Farmer.
You can't even legally tell people what your job is without getting punished by the Gods of Censorship.  How demeaning is that ****?

Congratulations!  You've discovered one of the Holiday Scramble Screenies!


  1. Lol epic right there laceface ><

    keep up the good work


  2. thanks, but i'm not laceface.. haha... *sigh*.. laceface is my lovely guildmate, but i assure u, she and i are not one and the same.

  3. whoops total mindblank there but i do know the difference between you two, remind me to read over my posts in the future ><


  4. haha it's okay.. happens often enough.

  5. Haha... I've found myself having to work at least 3 of those lovely part-time jobs. I made a good Bouncer... as well as a great Gondola Pilot until I realized I couldn't swim once I had fallen into the deep. So what do you say we marry so we can rightfully abuse job #2? I pay in sc tips!


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